My Heart Will Go On

His arms reaching out to be held, Josiah simply couldn't stop smiling and laughing as Zach scooped him up!  For a few precious moments, Zach held Josiah close in a sweet embrace.

This tender scene played out in my home when Zach finally made it home for the summer months.  He'd been away for roughly 9 months studying at LeTourneau University, and everybody was ready for an extended visit.

Watching Zachary leave for college was a hard thing for me to walk through.  To me, it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest with no hope of  restoration.  I was saying goodbye to life as I knew it, and it was the most painful experience I'd ever endured.  

Zach was my playmate, the one with which I had spent many long years building up memories.  We did everything together!  We chased ducklings around our backyard, "traveled" thousands of miles in the campers we built on our bunk beds, stayed up late listening to music, had movie marathons, ran cross country, discussed history and philosophy, took care of younger siblings, etc., etc., etc.  If one of us was in the middle of something, chances were very good the other was right there in the thick of it too!

I remember the week Mom, Dad, and I moved him into his dorm.  We went up for two days, and I thought it would give me some transition time so that saying goodbye wouldn't be nearly so difficult.  

I was wrong.  

I was fine the entire first day and  a half, but the last half of the second day was brutal.

As I watched Mom and Dad each gave Zach a hug goodbye in their turn, my emotions began to rise.  

Then it was my turn.  

I embraced him, and he, me.  As I clung to him on that hot August evening, I realized that it was to be the last I was to see of him until Thanksgiving.  All our lives, we had never spent more than a week apart from each other's company.  I could hold back the tears no longer!  Out they came, streaming down my face as I choked out a feeble "I love you" and turned away.  I walked as quickly to the car as possible without looking back.  

I couldn't bear to look back and watch him shrink away in the distance. It was like if I let myself watch him grow smaller and smaller behind me, I would see with my own eyes my life slip away!  I just couldn't do it.  Instead, I spent the entire 5 hour car ride home in silence, grateful for the dark of night that covered any outward signs of grief.  I felt like I had been shot through the heart.  Honestly, though it's absurd to think of now, I thought I had lost him for forever.

But you know what?  Throughout that first semester, we became closer than ever.  God strengthened our relationship in a way that never would have happened if he had stayed at home with me and my family.  It wasn't until this past year, in fact, that I realized how important sibling friendships truly are.