Balm to my Soul

O LORD, how many are my foes!
Many are rising against me;
many are saying of my soul,
there is no salvation for him in God.  Selah

But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy hill.  Selah

I lay down and slept;
I woke again for the LORD sustained me.
I will not be afraid of many thousands of people
who have set themselves against me all around.

Arise, O LORD!
Save me, O my God!
For you strike all my enemies on the cheek;
you break the teeth of the wicked.

Salvation belongs to the LORD;
your blessing be on your people!  Selah

Psalm 3

Redemption

I've made mistakes.  I've let my hope fail.  My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world.

I haven't told this to many people, but my life now is in a constant state of pain.

I often wake up in the mornings and hobble to the bathroom on swollen feet with ankles that refuse to work properly.  My wrists suffer from carpal tunnel, making it painful to move them in the way they were created to do.  My knees get stiff easily, and I often come home from work and stump my way up the stairs as the muscles in my legs just don't feel quite right. 

More than that, though, I've been experiencing spiritual pain.  The pain that comes from knowing that I have failed, hurt, and miserably messed up my relationships with people.  My heart still aches from the pain of the open-heart surgery that Jesus had to do on me recently.

Between both the physical and spiritual pain, I feel so worn out.  Jesus is now sharing with me hope, but He's also showing me that it's going to be a hard uphill climb for a while.

During worship today, I was nearly in tears as He showed me that He still loved me.  I then had the image in my mind of my dad enveloping me in the hug that says I see what you're going through, I forgive you and love you, and I'm going to help you walk through this.  Truth be told, I had to stop singing on occasion for fear the tears would actually spill over.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. ~ Psalm 23:4

Yes, my heart aches with true pain, but I also know that God is faithful and that while He is just and had to discipline me, He is at the very same time love and He has new grace for me every single morning.

And that is a beautiful truth, the sort of truth that brings me hope.