Sunshine =)

I just feel like everyone needs to see this video.  Cause it's awesome.  Listen, enjoy, and know that this won't be the only time you listen to this song.  :)

The Hardest Thing to Do Part 2

It's so much bigger than I am.  I can't do this by myself.  Help me!

That was my heart's cry a few days ago as I was hit with the weightiness of my depravity yet again.  If there's one thing that I'm sure of, it's that God never lets me go for long without bringing me back to...

The reality of my sin
The reality that even though I'm saved, I'm not perfect
The reality that while I'm justified, I'm not yet fully sanctified

And this causes real pain.  The knowledge that I've been willfully blinded regarding my conduct towards certain people I love.

Love.

Reading 1 Corinthians 13, I'm beginning to wonder if I even know how to love after all.

Romans reminds me that there's nothing spectacular about loving those who are lovable, but that God's glory is seen when I love those who I find to be unlovable.

And that's what life is supposed to be about in the first place; God's glory, not ours.

"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:16

Ok, ok, I get the principle well enough, but what about putting it into practice?  A little harder than just having head knowledge, ya know.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm pretty excellent at loving those who are loveable.  Enter the unlovable?  Well, I find them a bit more challenging.  In fact, it's when I meet up with an unlovable that I find myself doing the exact opposite of love.  So, my love is more often than not completely unspectacular and I rob God of the glory due Him.

Ok.  So.  Now we come to the crux of it, as it were.  My problem?  My kingdom is separate from God's.  Oops!  Big problem.  So I'm more concerned with Alex and Alex's preferences and agenda than I am with God's?  No bueno.

If I were concerned with God's kingdom all the time, then when an unlovable comes along, I set my rights aside and practice love by being patient, kind, humble, respectful, selfless, considerate, and a rejoice-er in the Truth.  I can't just laugh this off as impossible since it is commanded to us in Scripture. 

But that's just it.  It is impossible.  Completely and utterly so.

But I serve One for who it is possible.  I serve One who sees my human frame and remembers that I am but a worm.  I serve the One who is Himself the very essence of Love.  That's the thing with true love, though.  It's not something we do as much as it's something we are.  And that is a beautiful thing.  Thankfully, He sees my struggles, knows that I am NOT love, and is faithful to help me through it.

I know this is a life-long process and I know without a doubt that I will fail, but I'm committed to now start loving like the LORD.

The Hardest Thing to Do

LOVE is patient and kind; LOVE does not envy or boast; IT is not arrogant or rude.  IT does not insist on its own way; IT is not irritable or resentful; IT does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  LOVE bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  LOVE never ends.

To truly LOVE is for me the hardest thing to do.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Extroverts gain their energy from being around people.
Introverts gain their energy from snuggling up in a blanket on the couch and finishing that book.
Extroverts like hanging out with friends.
Introverts get lost in their own thoughts.
Extroverts know how to work a crowd and are fairly adept when it comes to social situations.
Introverts think hard and think well and only answer questions when they know without a doubt they have the right answer.

Yes, I can seem flaky to some people because I get very easily distracted.  Currently, I'm trying to figure out whether or not there is a link between Rachel wrestling with her sister, Leah, and prevailing and Jacob wrestling with the angel of the LORD and prevailing, and if it even matters, and how curious it is that the exact same wording is used.  At other times, I'm kept up at night replaying conversations over and over, wondering whether I said something correctly or with the right emphasis, or how I was perceived by the other party, and what it would be like to switch minds with the other person for just one day to see how their brain processes work and how that would actually scare me because do I really want to know what they think of me and SQUIRREL!

When I was little, I loved getting out of the house, finding something new and exciting to do, etc.  My worst fear was getting stuck at home with nothing to do but watch football on Sunday afternoons.  As I've been getting older I've begun appreciating the beauty of home.  I love hiding from the world and its problems, even if it's just for one day, and curling up with a good book, broken up intermittently by good strong doses of napping, and enjoying some peace and quiet.

Gah!  How is it that I identify with both personality types???  Do I even fall into a "category"?

It began to drive me nuts as I seemed to be lost in the netherworld of the great in-between nebulous of the undefined personality.

After living the first 18 years of my life thinking I was nothing but an extreme extrovert with just a few introverted tendencies, over the past couple of years, it appears I've begun to hang my hat at the introverted house a bit more often than the extroverted residence.

My conclusion?  I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and I don't have to fit into a specific category.  I'm allowed to love my friends dearly, make new ones, get to know their quirks, and learn what makes them tick, while at the same time being allowed to love curling up with a good book and not leave the safety of my bedroom for a day or two.  Furthermore, I reserve the right to change my likes/dislikes whenever I want.  ;)

Yes, I screen all my calls, no, I no longer have a fear of talking on the phone.  Yes, I LOVE my friends, no, I don't feel the need to meet new people all the time.  Yes, I enjoy new and exciting things, no, they don't have to give me purpose anymore.

Are there things that need tweaking in my life?  Yes.  Am I perfect?  Far from it.  It's just that I'm beginning to realize that this thing called "life" is in a constant state of flux, flitting from one thing to the next as God teaches me how to use my abilities to better bring Him the glory He deserves.

The thing is that God uses both extroverts and introverts to further His glory.  Extroverts have the know-how to love people to the best of their abilities, and Introverts have the peace of mind to meditate on God's Word and Truth that it holds, thus being able to love God Himself better.  Being geared more towards one personality type than the other doesn't give an excuse for us to neglect one aspect for the other, but rather shows us what we really need to be working on.

At the end of the day, it is this passage that should bring us peace:

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as of yet there was none of them.
~ Psalm 139:13-16

 

Choose Wisely, My Friend

I must say that this summer, one of the things I've been enjoying the most is getting to know each of my younger siblings for who they are.  Zach, Luke, Eliza and I are a gang and have been since we were little, so it's been nice spending time with the younger ones for a change.

Tonight, as I picked Grace up from her book club, we got to talking about the friends we have and the difference between good company and bad company.

Grace:  Sometimes when I'm with ... I just really want to go be with my other friends
Me:  Do you just not feel safe around ...?
Grace:  Yeah, it's a weird feeling

You know, I used to have two best friends who I did everything with.  We played together, talked together, spent the night at each others' houses, etc.  As we got to middle school, though, it became evident that they were both walking a path I wasn't comfortable following.  Something gnawed at my insides whenever I was around them, and I always felt like I was going to get in trouble.

It was with pain and regret that I told my parents I could no longer be friends with those two.  Something just always felt slightly off when I was with them, and it wasn't that we were necessarily doing anything wrong.  It was just that I got the sense that things could go downhill in a big hurry and I didn't want any part in it!

Looking back and seeing the things I see in their lives now, I'm so thankful that God spared me from those relationships.  I have a lot of joy in my life, I have earned the trust of my parents, and I love learning more about God!  All of these things I would either have been alone in or would have lacked entirely if I had continued spending time with those individuals.

When I told Grace this, she said, "Well at least you know how to pick friends!"  And when I learned she could relate to my story, it made me glad because that means that she'll be wise about the friends she chooses as well.  There's a HUGE difference between the friends who we're comfortable around and the ones we aren't.

Bad friends will tell you it's okay to do certain things because, hey, it's your life and you should be able to live it up the way you want!  Great friends will point out red flags when they see them and hold you accountable to righteous living.

And yes, accountability means a lot.  It will be a dangerous day indeed once we decide we no longer desire someone looking over our shoulder and checking us when needs be.  A truly great friend will put the relationship on the line by calling you out when you need it, and will spur you on towards love and good deeds.

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.  A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. ~ Proverbs 18:1-2

Blessed is the one who fears the LORD always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity. ~ Proverbs 28:14

Oh how thankful I am for my sister, Grace.  The more I've been getting to know her this summer, the more I realize how deep of a thinker she really is, and how passionate she is about the things of God.  She takes time to process conversations or off-hand remarks made by our family members and really chews on Truth.  Oh to be more like my Grace who has a quiet and gentle spirit and who is actively pursuing wisdom.  More than that, I'm so proud of her for longing to make right decisions when it comes to making close friends.

IT'S A SNAKE!!!!

Last night, I could have sworn I saw a 10 foot snake slithering on my wall.  I hopped out of my bed, screamed, "SNAKE" and flipped on the light switch, my heart getting ready to pound out of my chest.  It was at this point that my yell woke my sister up and she bounded out of bed telling me it was okay.  Of course, at that point I was fully awake and trying to steady my heart-beat.  With the light on, I could see that there was no python hanging on my wall and that I could go back to sleep in peace.  My sister snickered at me and turned off the light before going back to bed herself.

[As a side note, all my nightmares seem to include snakes.  It is with Indiana Jones that I can confidently say: Snakes?  I hate snakes!  I HATE THEM!]

I've been known to have conversations with myself, sing, get tangled up in my covers to the point where I think I'll never get out, and end up using my sister's pillow.  Since it seems to be a fairly regular occurrence, I think that's one of the reasons God allowed me the blessing of sleeping deeply... or I would never sleep at all.  :P

Sleep is a precious commodity that we often take for granted.  Some of us sleep as hard as a rock with about as much muscle movement as a lame sloth, while others thrash about, never quite getting comfortable and wake at the slightest bit of outside noise.

[none of these is accurate when it comes to determining my personality as I utilize them all and I know I don't have multiple personalities disorder  :)]

I myself am a balance between the two.  I sleep as hard as a rock, but I use the whole bed (did I mention I sleep on a king-sized bed?).  Many adventures I have had whilst asleep.  I'm usually unaware of them myself, but I've given lots of laughs to my roommates who, once the sun hath risen over the horizon, have relayed stories that have even mine own shoulders shaking in mirth!

I'm not alone, however, in my half-asleep stupors.  During breakfast this morning, I discovered that at least half my family talks or walks in their sleep and that we all, even the little ones, have funny stories to tell about our snoozing siblings.  Apparently, we're a very active bunch, even when unconscious.

And let me tell you, nothing puts me to sleep quite as quickly as a movie.  If a movie goes on and I'm cuddled up in a blanket and laying down on the couch, I'll be out in 5 minutes or less.  It's gotten so bad that watching movies has become more like a chore than anything else!

But yes.  Sleep is good.  I love to sleep, and I love the joy that sleeping brings to me, even if I'm not conscious enough to fully appreciate it at the time.

Adventure- Bound :)

In just 10 weeks, I'll get to experience this beauty:

Words cannot express how excited I am!  Now to work as many hours as possible and save up like crazy!  It'll be here before I know it!  :D :D :D