Numbering our Days

The smell of brewing coffee and cooking eggs filled the air.  Waiters and waitresses hustled and bustled about serving their customers cheerfully.  I looked across the table at my mom as she and I considered a portion of Scripture together over breakfast.

Psalm 90:12, "So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom."

As my mom shared her thoughts, I immediately saw a timeline in my head.  At birth, everyone is given a timeline that will be filled with various events and decisions, big moments and small moments.  The catch is, though, that each person only has so many years to accomplish these things before time runs out.

I thought back on my own life.  I have already spent 22 years of my timeline.  22 years that I will never get back.  How many more years do I have to complete my part in history?  Life is so fleeting, and my desire is to live with a passion for righteousness.  But have I accomplished that?  I think in some ways I have, and in a lot of ways I haven't.

If we are taught to number our days, it's as if there is a level of urgency in our lives that may not otherwise have been there.  We only have so much time left on our timeline... are we using it wisely?

I think that's where the heart of wisdom comes into play.  If we are numbering our days, doing a countdown of sorts, then it forces us to realize that we MUST live wisely.  We must decide on our priorities, and not lose ourselves in worrying over things that hold zero value.  We must devote everything we've got to a job well done, and avoid foolish mistakes and distractions as much as possible.  Time is oh so precious and therefore something that we can't afford to waste.

At the end of all things, I long to hear my Savior say, "well done, good and faithful servant."  In order for something to be done, I have to do it in the first place!  I don't want to look back on a life filled with regrets and worries over things that don't matter.  I want to be able to look back on my life and say that I was faithful with things that the Lord entrusted to my care.

Personally I believe that numbering our days should inspire us to live humbly, faithfully, and wisely.  After all, this life that we are living is not going to last forever.  So with the time that we have, let's live in such a way that we may hear, "well done, good and faithful servant."

C'est La Vie

Today I picked up the phone in the hopes of hearing my little brother's voice.  It rang a few times before he answered.  We spent the better part of the next hour catching up on all things life.

It's amazing how quickly life can change on a person.  One minute everything's exactly how you've placed it, and the next leaves everything completely rearranged even though things were perfect the way you had them.  And yet, sometimes it takes a while for the new arrangement and it's functionality to sink in.

Over the summer, we said goodbye to the old way of life and welcomed the new.  Luke got married.  He's the first of the 11 to start a family unit of his own, and as much as I wanted to process it at the wedding or in the days following, it didn't happen.

I and several of the other older ones in the family were there for the little ones as they learned to let go of the only life they knew how to live, one where an older brother came home for holidays and summer vacation.  It was hard to watch them grapple with a change that was out of their control.  And yet, it was amazing to see how well they adapted shortly thereafter.

I was there as friends we grew up with dealt with their buddy being a married man.  I was there to help them think through it.  I was there as they recounted old memories, and I wished with all my heart I could have joined them fully.

I had wanted to cry, to miss him right away, and to wish for the days when playing cops and robbers was our highlight.  But I couldn't.  I couldn't bring myself to tears, and as hard as I tried, the memories just wouldn't come.

This past week was the first time I felt the twisting of the heartstrings that comes with the winds of change that cannot be undone.  It finally began to hit me that some of our habits as siblings will never happen again.  There are chapters in our story that we won't be able to revisit.

I can't go downstairs and expect Luke to be sitting there waiting to cook up a midnight snack.  I can't simply lace up my running shoes and go for one of our walks where we share our hearts.  I can't tune in to one of his outlandishly dramatic and hilarious tales whenever I feel like it.  Not anymore.

But I do have the memories.  And I lived to remember and soak in the moments for a reason.  Now that he's establishing his own family and coming into his new role as husband (to a fantastic sister-in-law, I might add), I may not be able to reenact the things we used to do together, but I can sit back and relive the memories that I have stored up all these years.

I've said it before, but I will say it again: life is bittersweet.  I love that I was given 20 years to make memories with my brother.  I love that while we once walked through life together as kids, we can continue to walk through life together as adults.  And I love that I'm finally able to fully enjoy this new season of life.

And you know something?  Life is a beautiful, beautiful thing.  

The Whole Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. ¹⁴ Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; ¹⁷ and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, ¹⁸ praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, ¹⁹ and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

Ephesians 6:10-20

This was my prayer today.

And So I Run

Working out.  It's tough.  I love it.  I hate it.  It's not a competition.  But it kinda is.  Working out is where you find that you are your own worst enemy.

This morning I woke to my brother nudging my shoulder.  "Time to go!"  Biting back a moan about how it would be so much nicer to stay in bed for another couple hours before work, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and pulled my messy bed-head hair into a pony tail.

I am not a morning person.  Not in the slightest.  But for my brother, I'd do almost anything, including getting up before the sun to take him to the airport.

The plus to getting up early?  A quiet and still house to come home to in which to have my coffee with God.

After I got home from work, I wanted to do nothing more than either curl up with my book or simply take a nap.  However, I knew if I didn't run right then that I wouldn't get my exercise in.  Sometimes, you've just gotta force yourself to do the uncomfortable.  For me that means sometimes running a few miles in the heat of the day when I would rather be doing anything but.

Life is tough.  Suck it up.

One of the things I've found, though, is that my runs have become super important to me.  Do I enjoy them?  Not particularly.  I can't breathe, I get tired of running the same routes, my legs hurt, and my little brother is not so subtle in his "you should probably get a shower now" hints.

That being said, part of me enjoys them and they have quickly become important to me.  Running allows me to get out of the house, do something good/productive for myself, process life, and most importantly, pray.  Yes, my runs have quickly turned into my prayer time.  Why?  Because I am very clearly reminded in a very tangible way that when I am weak He is strong.  With that very much at the forefront of my mind, I find that I get a lot of ground covered both spiritually and physically.

That's part of the reason I force myself to run 5 miles regularly or try new routes and switch it up, or simply push myself harder.  It's a good reminder of the work that needs doing in my spiritual walk/run with the Lord.

And so I run.

Hosea

I've been reading through Hosea recently and I gotta say that I had to force myself to take it slow.  I finished it yesterday, but I found myself reading back through the passages that caught my attention again this morning.  There is so much to chew on that I might have to park here for a bit and just reread it.

Hosea 11

When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son.  The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols.  

Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them.  I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.  

They shall not return to the land of Egypt, but Assyria shall be their kind, because they have refused to return to me.  The sword shall rage against their cities, consume the bars of their gates, and devour them because of their own counsels.  My people are bent on turning away from me, and though they call out to the Most High, he shall not raise them up at all.  

How can I give you up, O Ephraim?  How can I hand you over, O Israel?  How can I make you like Admah?  How can I treat you like Zeboiim?  My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender.  I will not execute my burning anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim; for I am God and not a man, the Holy One in your midst, and I will not come in wrath.  

They shall go after the LORD; he will roar like a lion; when he roars, his children shall come trembling from the west; they shall come trembling like birds from Egypt, and like doves from the land of Assyria, and I will return them to their homes, declares the LORD.  Ephraim has surrounded me with lies, and the house of Israel with deceit, but Judah still walks with God and is faithful to the Holy One.  

This particular passage has my head spinning.  So much of God's character is portrayed here and I don't think that I, with my finite mind, can comprehend all of it.  Yeah, I'll definitely be mulling over this one for a while.

No Guilt in Life

I definitely found this quote to be, well, healing.  Too often I have found that while I personally believe the "once saved, always saved" mantra, I rarely act upon it.  I found this to be both enlightening and freeing.

"Does the presence of sin in my life mean that I am not a Christian?  Can I be in a right relationship with God (justified and adopted) and still sin as I do?

It is at this point that I so easily revert to a wrong way of thinking.  I believe Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.  I am saved from the penalty of sin.  There is no condemnation.  But then I sin again and I begin to think: 'I must be condemned again.  I need to try a little harder.'  So I go to church, read my Bible, sing more enthusiastically. and engage in spiritual thoughts about Jesus.  Then I assume that I have slipped back into a state of 'no condemnation' again.  But tomorrow I sin again, and I slip back into a state of 'condemnation.'  The cycle repeats itself over and over.

This performance mentality is all too common.  Our status ('no condemnation'), our justification, our assurance of being 'in Christ' is utterly dependent on our continuing (good) performance.  I look to Christ for my justification, but  I look to myself for my continued acceptance. It could not be more significant therefore that Paul - on the heels of the exasperation of Romans 7:14-25 - utters the clearest word of assurance: 'There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus'  (Rom. 8:1).  The issue is not, 'Have I done enough good to outweigh my lack of performance?'  On that account, I could never reach a state of assurance.  Rather, the focus of our thinking must be, 'Am I in Christ?'

Even as mature Christians, we need to remind ourselves continually of the basis of our acceptance - it is entirely because of what Christ has done for us.  Thus, faith in Christ is not a one-time event; we must live by faith each day."

"How the Gospel Brings Us All the Way Home" by,
Derek W. H. Thomas

coming to grips with reality

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name

On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

You ever have those seasons where you come to terms with just how human you are?  I'm not talking about noticing you suddenly  have joints.  I'm talking about how you're suddenly aware of your own mortality.

Some of you are probably wondering why on earth I bothered making that facebook post on communion last Sunday.  Let's just say that lately, I've been thinking a lot on how mortal I am.  Life isn't that long and I'd love to be able to look back and know that I lived it to the best of my abilities with perhaps fewer mistakes than I've already made.  Since that's not going to happen, I know I have to be repentant - that is, make a 180 degree turn, never looking back - and trust that the Lord will heal what I've broken.

That brings me back to the communion subject.  Last Sunday's message put its salve right on my wounds.  As we took communion, I was struck with the thought that as we take the elements, we are in essence saying with Christ "it is finished."  You have no idea how comforting that is!

Isn't it funny how you've been doing something all your life, and you think you realize the significance only to be hit over the head with it again years later?  Wow.  I serve a great God.

I'm so thankful He doesn't just leave me to my own devices and that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.