Reflections

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."

 A. A. Milne

Life.  It flows along much like a stream, gliding seamlessly over its bed, waiting for no man.

In the blink of an eye, my summer has flown by.  It feels like I just fell into the welcoming arms of my family as I returned home from school.  It feels like I just began to cherish and store up all the hugs and kisses that Helen and Josiah gave me.  It feels like I just now have time to process all that I learned while I was away.

But life - ah, dear sweet life - has floated along at its usual rapid pace, and even though it seems that I have just dipped my toes in to test the waters, I've been swept so much further along the way than my brain has had time to think about.

I've spent many hours, 330 to be exact, working.  I've made guacamole, sold guacamole, stocked produce shelves, pushed carts in from the lot, bagged thousands of groceries, helped hundreds of customers to their cars, scanned thousands of groceries, returned who knows how many items, handed out who knows how many receipts, and asked the same questions every two minutes during my 6-8.5 hour shifts.

On the home-front, I've spent many hours with my sister soaking in the joys that the show "Monk" brings.  I've played multiple rounds of our family favorite, "Take 2."  I've spent a good deal of time laughing with Mom and Dad as we live up to our usual snarkiness.  I've enjoyed evenings spent with friends, catching up, seeing movies, having dinner.  I've appreciated Chik-Fil-A on their special day with a co-worker and her husband.

Even though it doesn't really feel like I've had much of a summer, I really have in all actuality.

God has allowed me some much-loved time with my family.  He has allowed me the feeling of exhaustion after working in the hot sun.  He has allowed me joy.  He has allowed me happiness and grace.  He has allowed me sanctification.  He has allowed me to share Himself with one of the families He has given me.

My friends, God has been good to me.

My heart is full - oh so full!

School starts up in a week.  If this semester is anything like the last, then I know it will be full of adventures, joys, and challenges.  But most of all, it will be a time of spiritual growth.

Somehow, it won't be any easier to say goodbye, but it will be wonderful to return to my school roots.  My heart will fill with pain again as I give my family one last hug and one last kiss.  It will be bittersweet when I insert my key into the lock at my apartment for the first time this semester.

My heart will ache with the pain of farewell, but will swell with joy as I say hello.

And so, I will continue to float down this river called life, and I will continue to be kept inside His will.

It has been a good summer, and I know that it will be a great fall as well.

Packing, packing, packing

Here I am again, frantically making a packing list of all the things I may ever need during the semester.  As things pop up in my brain, I write them down.  *Sigh*  There's so much that has to get done before school starts.  There are errands to be run, things to be packed, an apartment to be moved into, notes to be written, etc., etc., etc.  Time to get right back into it.  :)

Bound by Love

We're siblings.  Three people obviously from the same family -- mannerisms, humor, values, interests -- and we've got the memories to prove it.

I remember one time Mom instructed the three of us to study together for our history exam.  We holed ourselves up in Zach and Luke's room and "studied" hard.  Haha, who am I kidding?  We spent the whole time spouting off our favorite movie quotes, mimicking each other, and laughing!  Haha, such great memories!  For those of you concerned, I do believe the average grade on that test was a 98.  :P


Zach, I never told you before, but all through high school, I was competing with you grades-wise.  Yes, every single Spanish, history, vocabulary, and economics test we ever took together, I wanted to beat you!  Unfortunately, that was rarely the case.  ;)  Without knowing it, you pushed me to do well!

Luke, you kept me wanting to whap you over the head with my notebook during history discussions!  :P  Mom's nickname for you, Prez, fits you well indeed.  You're going to go far and will make some drastic (and much-needed) changes in this country.  I fully believe you will have a huge impact on this world.


At the end of August, Zachary will be headed to Longview to continue his education in Air Traffic Control Management.

I'll be headed to Dallas to continue studying for Biblical Studies with a focus in Counseling.

Luke will be headed north to Michigan for his college career where he'll be pursuing a degree in Political Science.

We're siblings, obviously from the same family, but headed in three very different directions ... but with the common bond of the Holy Spirit.

What hurts the most is that our days of being each others constant companions has officially come to a close.  We're all moving on, pursuing adventures all our own.  Rarely now will our stories overlap.  But that's okay.  This is how it needs to be.  And you know what?  We'll always be friends.  Always.

I praise God for my family and how He graciously allowed us the friendship with each other that we have.  God is good, so very good, even through bittersweet moments of growing up and doing what we have been called to do.

Camping...

My fellow tent-setter-upper and I.  This guy was a trooper!

So, two days ago, I did the unthinkable.  I took 4 of my younger siblings, by myself, camping.  Yes, my friends, camping.  Actually, 3 of them were very responsible and were not a problem.  Only the youngest of them, Miss Talkalot, was a bit of a handful.

Not sure why we bothered with a clothesline since we were ALWAYS

in the water!  :P

However, we did have a good time, getting lots and lots and lots and lots and ..... okay, you get the point .... we got lots of swimming in.  :)

We enjoyed a gorgeous sunset, a gorgeous morning, and great outdoor weather all-around, unless you wanted to sleep, in which case the stillness and heat did nothing to summon a quickness to slumber.  But other than waking up about once an hour to silence Miss Talkalot, buy a cold drink from the vending machine for a certain over-heated brother, and calm a scared-just-had-a-nightmare sister, I had a great night's sleep!

The first night, we gathered kindling, and built a legit fire.  I was able to make
some scrambled eggs for supper, and then we all had fun roasting marshmellows and eating s'mores.  The next day, however, we were so tired that we just showered charcoal in lighter fluid, lit a match, and tried to cook our hot dogs before the flames went out.  Much lighter fluid was used in the making of lunch.


After that, we swam for another couple of hours, packed up camp, and headed home with what I'd like to think as an added healthy glow to our skin, but what Mom would like to say was closer to sunburn than anything else.  Difference in opinions, that is all.

The little people enjoying the water

We had fun, but I think I'll wait for a time when the WHOLE family can go camping next time.

A Quiet Evening at Home

It's evening
The sun is setting
The temperature is cooling

Zach Boy is in the backyard playing soccer with Ethan
Grace and Luke are sitting quietly on the couches in the family room, each lost in their own little world
Dad is in his study, typing away furiously at his sermon which he must deliver tomorrow morning

The smell of leftover dinner fills all of the downstairs as it has yet to be put away
Mom is summoning some of the little ones upstairs for bedtime rituals
Helen starts in with the first of what will be many excuses as to why she should still be up

The wind is blowing the trees
Jacob is bantering with Zach Boy
The lights are starting to flip on all throughout the house

This. This is what I love.
This.  This is home.

When Life Just Happens

I pounded the steering wheel in frustration and anger.


I shouted at no one, ready to cry.  I couldn't remember being quite this angry in a looooong time.

Why, God?  Why?


Two of the things I loathe most in this world are disappointing people and being late.  I dislike going back on my word, I dislike not carrying out a responsibility that was expected of me, and I greatly dislike showing up at a given place 2 minutes after I'm supposed to be there.

This morning I was supposed to get re-certified to sell alcohol and tobacco for my job as a checker at the grocery store.  It's good for two years, and my two years were up last month.  Not that I minded much.  What can I say?  I much prefer the freedom of movement that the jobs of bagging, pushing carts, and running returns bring as opposed to being cooped up at a single register for 8 hours.  Oh no, I didn't mind the expiration of certification at all.

Buuut, my managers prefer having as many checkers on hand as possible, and so back to my AST I was to go.  At least, that was the plan.

Instead, I got hopelessly lost because a certain site on which one can obtain directions completely went bonkers and left me going in circles.

I may not have wanted to get re-certified, meaning I could get stuck at a check stand at the drop of a hat, but I certainly didn't want to disappoint my managers by not showing up to said class.  And so, I gave it a try, even when the clock in Big Blue read 14 after (they don't let you in a single minute after the time you're supposed to arrive).

Oh.

I. Was. Mad.

When I got home, I went on an angry run, trying to pound away my frustration one footfall after the other.  It didn't work.  I got home still blazing mad!

It just continued to eat away at me that I let my managers down and that I was so beyond late that I eventually just turned around and went home, not even showing up to say that I did indeed make an effort to get there.

Oh goodness.

Letting these types of things go is NOT a strength of mine.

The good news?  God is still in control.


Even though I let down the people I love, God is still in control.


Even though I never show up at all, God is still in control.


This lesson is a hard one for me to learn, but God is still in control.

Amen and amen.  God is good.  ALL the time.

An Issue of Trust

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  ~ Matthew 6:19-21


Why is it so hard for us to keep our focus heavenward?  Why isn't it the case that as soon as we profess belief in Jesus Christ, we can suddenly overlook the troubles of this world and build up our heavenly storehouses?  Why is it so easy for us, like Peter with the waves crashing around him, to take our eyes from the Prize - that is Christ - and to put our dependency on the tangible things surrounding us?

It is my firm belief that we stray so far from straight and narrow at times because we've never seen, touched, or experienced in any way the treasures of heaven that Jesus promises.  What have we experienced?  Accolades from Man.  What does that entail?  We get our name in the paper.  We have books written about us and movies portraying how we rose from the ashes to climb the ladder of success.  People covet our autographs and desire to get their picture with us; people we've never even met and have a 99.99% chance of never seeing again.

It is an issue of trust.

It was lack of trust in Jesus that made Thomas doubt the reports he had heard of the resurrection.  Jesus revealed Himself to Thomas, but here's what He said, "Have you believed because you have seen me?  Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." ~ John 20:29  Who is blessed?  Those who believe in Christ - that is, putting their trust in Him - without physically seeing Him.  It is because of their trust that they believe, and it is because of a lack of trust that we stray from the path set before us.

When we were little, my siblings and I were forbidden to ask "why," when Mom or Dad asked us to do something.  We wanted the reasoning behind it, but they required obedience; immediate obedience with no questions asked.  Oftentimes certain things they'd ask us to do wouldn't make sense to our young minds, however, we had no choice but to trust that Mom and Dad knew what they were talking about.  It wasn't until much later, when we matured a bit, that things began falling into place, making perfect sense.

I desire to be a disciple of Christ that trusts Him so much that I'd be willing to do anything for Him, no questions asked.  I have to understand that I don't always get to know the why behind a situation, but that I just have to do it because it is what He requires of me.  It's not going to be easy, but I'm told the reward is worth it.  :)

With Abandon

He wants some angry young men

With fire in their eyes

Ones who understand what Jesus gave

Ones who have grown weary of the world and all its lies

Ones who won't forget they've been delivered from the grave

Rest assured when Jesus comes again

He'll be looking for some angry young men

If you love Jesus, shouldn't you feel some fire, some hint of passion, to share Him with others?  Shouldn't there be a niggling in the back of your head, a prick in your soul, telling you to live a life that compels people to ask what's different about you?

That's just it, these things should be the case.

Unfortunately, most of us want to hide in our shells of conformity and remain unnoticed by the world around us.  We don't want to cause a stir, and we most certainly don't want to draw attention to the way we live our lives.

We often make excuses as to why we don't live any differently today than we did 10 years ago when we first accepted Christ.

You'll be tempted, tried, and tested
There'll be wars the devil wins
But God's love is not a license to lie there in your sins
He understands the human heart
His mercy is complete
But his grace is not intended
As a place to wipe your feet
Rest assured when Jesus comes again
He'll be looking for some angry young men


So where is the passion, my friends?  If the love of God has truly gotten a hold of you, your life should be shaken upside down, never reverting to your old ways.  Passion should drive you onward!  His love should spur you on to do the right thing, never becoming complacent.  Don't compromise what you believe just to make your unsaved friends feel comfortable.  Christianity is uncomfortable, always pushing you outside your comfort zone, forcing you to walk the straight and narrow, cutting yourself on sharp, jagged rocks.


Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter by the narrow gate.  For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.  For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."


If you draw the line at discomfort, your faith will be short lived.
In fact, one might even question your salvation.

Romans 12:2, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."


As Christians, we should be on fire for God!  We should care about speaking the Truth, tempered with love.  There should be a spark in our eye as we speak about God.

So let's chase after God with abandon, leaving nothing on the table, so that on Judgement Day we will get to hear proceeding out of our Master's mouth those beautiful words, "well done, good and faithful servant."

It's Almost 11 O'clock...

...which means it's time for me to write a little something with enough meaning for you, as the reader, to interpret my pithy post properly.  I hope that you are familiar enough with the English norms of language so that you can understand what I'm trying to impart to you.  Please, don't take anything I'm saying out of context,  but determine the subject matter, and go from there.

As you most likely surmised from the above paragraph, yes, I'm studying for my Hermeneutics mid-term.  So many terms, phrases, and topics to memorize!  But it will be good, especially if I have good recall on test day.  ;)  Pray for me, though, because it's a multiple choice exam, and I have the awful tendency to waaaaaay over think such things, making a plausible case for 3 out of the 4 possible answers.  I really can't tell you how badly I want to get an A in this class, so I've got a great amount of studying to do.

On top of that, I've got lots of reading and researching to do for two of my other classes, which are both fantastic, and then a bibliography for one and a book review for another.  Though the last two items aren't due til the last day of class, I'd really like to get a head start on them so I won't be worried about starting/finishing those while studying for finals.

Other than that, I've also got a mid-term in my New Testament Survey class.  I'm thoroughly enjoying this one!  So many great historical background informational bits that help to piece together the gospel to make it that much more beautiful.  God is so good!  :D

So that's life in a nutshell.  Lots of studying, planned breaks of studying (Six Flags on Saturday), and school and church events on the horizon.

On a totally unrelated thread, my roommate reminded me that next Thursday is the last day of class before Spring Break!!!  I had completely lost track of time and was expecting at least another week of school between mid-terms and a week long break, so this was a glorious realization.  It's been 2.5 months since I've seen home and family, so as you can imagine, I'm itching to get back!

May God bless y'all as you go about your week!  :D 

Thankfulness Part 4

31.  My dad!
32.  Deep conversations
33.  Easy and relaxed weekends
34.  A strong church
35.  A hot mug of coffee and a warm blanket
36.  Reminiscing about family and home
37.  Talking with God  =)
38.  The sound of rain pounding against the roof
39.  Sloshing through puddles in the parking lot
40.  Singing along while the radio is turned up LOUD

Fact

Fact:  I spent 9 hours writing and stylizing a book review today

Fact:  Food is tastier when hungry

Fact:  God is good, all the time

Fact:  When I found out Luke hit a tree with the van, I laughed.  Really hard.

Fact:  I have the tendency to adopt people (I just adopted my first daughter last week, but only just informed her today)

Fact:  I have been adopted by one of my roommates and her boyfriend as their daughter

Fact:  Losing your debit card, while quite awful when caught up in the moment, actually forces you to spend less money, so may be an act of Providence

And there you have it!  A short list of the things I have been occupied with for the past couple of days.  Life is good.  :)

These Things Take Time

I wanna know why pain makes me stronger
I wanna know why good men die
Why am I so afraid of the dark
But I stray from the Light?

I wanna know why You gave me eyes
When faith is how I see
And tell me is it easier to doubt
Or harder to believe?

Oh, there's so many questions stirring in me

And I wonder why
Sometimes the truth ain't easy to find?
I wanna know all the answers
But I'm learning that these things take time
Yeah, these things take time

How could success make us feel like failures?
And the harder we fall the harder we try
The more I have the more I need
Just to feel like I'm getting by

Oh, there's so many questions and one short life

And I'm wondering why
Sometimes the truth ain't easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I'm learning that these things take time
Yeah, these things take time

And we spend so much time chasing our tails
Hoping to find every last answer to everything in life
So many questions, not enough time

But I'm still wondering why
Sometimes the truth ain't easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I'm learning that these things take time
Yeah, these things take time

Hey, we all wanna understand why
Evil lives and good men die
On the way to heaven the truth unwinds
These things take time
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time
~ Sanctus Real

Thankfulness Part 3

21.  "Soul Sister"

22.  Getting back into the exercise

23.  Getting internet installed

24.  Hermeneutics

25.  Water

26.  Comfy couches to crash on

27.  "Haven't Met You Yet"

28.  The rodeo

29.  Eating pie

30.  Listening to music with Mica

Thankfulness Part 2

11.  Having the most number of textbooks for one semester than I've ever had, but paying the less for them than I ever have
12.  Naps
13.  Beautiful weather
14.  Running trails 2 minutes away from home
15.  Hot showers
16.  Work/study jobs
17.  Good books
18.  Clean clothes
19.  Email conversations
20.  Phone calls where Dad sets it on speaker phone so the whole family can be all together again

Thankfulness Part 1

1.  A roof over my head
2.  Great roommates
3.  A very cool New Testament professor
4.  Having Big Lots right across the street, easy walking distance
5.  Country music
6.  Tuna sandwiches
7.  A soft mattress
8.  Proverbs
9.  Spending time on the 1,200 acre cattle ranch
10.  Feeding a baby cow  (way cool!)

Settling

Wow!  I can't believe I've already been in my new home for 6 days!  When did this happen?  Whatever happened to the whole "I'm just gonna stay at home, attend UT, and work at HEB" plan?  And here I am.

It didn't really sink in that I was going to stay here until Luke and my parents drove away.  It was rough, but I told myself to get over it, because this will be my home for at least the next 4.5 months, so I'd better learn to like it real quick.  :)

The day after I moved in, I caught a ride to church with one of my roommates, and directly afterwards, we headed over the house of a very kind family from the church.  We spent the entire day over there, cooking and getting the house ready for other members of the church to come over.  Hanging out with a family in a real home was exactly what I needed that day.  Isn't it funny how God knew that?  ;)

I've been keeping semi-busy, what with going to the school for work/study interviews (I'll be working in the library twice a week), making school and rent payments, and tagging along with my roommates to some of their various activities.  Last night was probably my favorite evening so far as we hung out in one of the guys' apartments that is in our same complex.  They made dinner, and then we watched America's Funniest Videos, talked, laughed, and just enjoyed being around other people.  Let's face it, having connections definitely helps it feel more home-like.  :)

Well, to wrap up, here's a list of the books I'll be studying for the next couple of months (I'm very excited!) :

• 40 Questions about Interpreting the Bible
• God's Big Picture: Tracing the Storyline of the Bible
• Grasping God's Word: A Hands-On Approach to Reading, Interpreting, and Applying the Bible
• Jesus: A Very Short Introduction
• The New Testament in Antiquity: A Survey of the New Testament within its Cultural Context
• After You Believe
• Imitation of Christ
• Letters Along the Way
• True Spirituality

And that's all for now!  May God bless you as you go throughout your wonderful day!  :)

It's an Adventure!

"It's an adventure!  It's exciting!  You get to do something new, something you've never done before!  So study on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays.  Go to class, do well, then go do something fun on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays!  You'll love it!"

Oh Esther, this is just what I needed.  Thanks for the encouragement and the building up of excitement, because until I talked to you, it was just something I'd have to walk through.  Now, it's a whole new realm of possibilities.  :)

Criswell, here I come!

On your marks!

Wowee!

My set departure for Criswell College is fast approaching!  At first I was taken a bit off guard after I found out I have to be there sooner than originally expected, but I've finally resigned myself to it.  ;)

My last day of work was Saturday.  It was rough saying goodbye to my work family, but I'm not quite finished yet.  I've still got to say goodbye to my peeps in produce, grocery, and dairy!  And there were a few people on the front end who weren't there Saturday.  (Zach just rolls his eyes when he hears that I know everybody in the store.  He likes to keep himself to the front end, and that's it.  :P)  Yesterday I drove around to various parts of the state to say goodbye to some friends who I won't see again til May.  They're all near and dear to my heart, and I can't wait to see them when I get back!

Today I've been spending some time cleaning up my room and making a mental note of what I still need to buy before I'm completely ready.  It seems to be a list a mile long that continues to grow every time I sit down.

I decided today that I'll bring 3 Bibles with me:  two will be my huge attack Bibles (one ESV study Bible, and the other a NASB word study Bible) and my easier-to-handle-no-frills ESV.

I am excited about finally having the chance to try my hand in the kitchen!  For Christmas I got a casserole cookbook, and I'll be spending some serious time copying down some of my favorite recipes from home.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it all.  Yeah, I'll probably end up doing simple things most of the time, like microwave dinners, but I'm vowing to do at least one good, home cooked meal a week.  At least, that's the plan for now....

And there you have it -- a crazy, random-yet-somewhat-connected post about the things that have been keeping me occupied.

Dreams

She wanted to travel to far away places
But couldn't get past the brick wall
She wanted to soar with gentle graces
But her wings were crashed by a fall
She longed to sing a love song
But her heart had forgotten the tune
Poor little thing
Now what was she to do?

He came travelling
With a shining vision
In search of his heart's only love
Driven by passion of her in white linen
She's all that he's ever dreamed of

Though he found her all broken and ragged
It mattered not, cause you see
Her rags could not hide
All that he knew she could be

Now she dances in royal splendor
And her heart has a new song to sing
And I'm here to tell you
Dreams still do come true
When you are the bride of the king
Oh, I'm here to tell you
Dreams still do come true
Cause that wishful dreamer was me
~ Rhonda Gunn

words of wisdom

"If you think there isn't a passage of Scripture referring to the situation you're in right now, then you aren't looking hard enough.  You've got to mine for it like gold."  ~ Mom