Hope

"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you: yet do it with gentleness and respect."  1 Peter 3:15

Growth Spurt

I'm a pretty happy person most of the time.  I like to be happy, and I take pleasure in finding the joy to be had in the small things of life.  I think most people who know me would agree with that assessment...
...except of course, my family, who knows me better.

A few weeks ago, God brought me to my knees in shame and anguish.  I felt utterly unworthy of life as I stood aside and allowed my pride and selfishness to take control.  Not only did I make the lives of those I lived with miserable, all 11 of them, but I also managed to make myself miserable.  God allowed me to see myself as the miserable wretch that I was.  I felt legitimate pain when I looked in the mirror each morning.

One evening, after a particularly awful day, I melted into a sobbing mess of desperation and contriteness as Mom and I had a rather unpleasant heart-to-heart (but one which I am very grateful we had!).

I remember, after saying all there was to be said,  crying out, "But why does it have to be so HARD???"  Mom just looked at me, and with the wisdom that only comes from a lifetime of experience, said to me, "they're growing pains.  They hurt, but, if you really learn from this, they'll make you grow and mature in a way that never would have happened if you never went through it."

My heart ached within me.

I knew I had seriously messed up, and from where I sat, there was no getting out of it.  I would feel the weight of my guilt pressing in on me until the day I died.

My heart voiced its frustration along with the Apostle Paul:  "For I do not understand my own actions, for I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate,"  and again, "So I find it that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?"  (Romans 7:15, 21-24)


But I failed to factor in grace.  God's grace.


Yes, it is a seriously challenging ordeal to have to walk barefoot over sharp rocks under the cover of darkness on the path of faith, but the thankfulness and constant state of worship are worth it at the other side.

There are still some things I have to learn and take to heart, but God is faithful.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the faith that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2)

In the Presence

My hands flailed wildly as I tried in vain to illustrate the way I felt.

How do you even begin to describe something that perplexes your spirit?

How do you put into words something that blows your mind?

I was lost in conversation with a friend.  We were originally talking about some painful circumstances going on around us, and for some reason I can't explain, the moment the conversation got to the most painful portion, God awakened my heart to His love.  I was overwhelmed!

All of a sudden, I felt very unworthy, and I wanted nothing more than to break down and cry.

I had the sudden urge to lay prostrate before my Savior!  What kind of love drives you to do something like that?  What kind of love brings you to your knees in utter consternation?

Now, I know Jesus, but one thing I simply can't wrap my mind around is why He took a brutal scourging for me.  Or why He tried to carry that cross beam on His freshly wounded back for me.  Or why He lay there in submission as wicked looking nails were driven into the thick flesh of His palms and the bones of His feet... for me!!!

I heard it once said that if someone were to sacrifice their life for me, could I doubt that they loved me?

I don't doubt the love of my Lord, what I don't understand is why

"What is man, that you are mindful of him, or the son of man, that you care for him?"  Hebrews 2:6

I mean, do you know who Jesus is???  This same Jesus redeemed my soul from hell and brought me into His presence. Into His presence???  Does He not realize what I am???  My mind continues to be blown. 

"He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.  After making purification for our sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs." Hebrews 1:3-4

My eyelids began to blink rapidly.  I was awestruck as all of a sudden salvation became much more precious to me, and something I promised Jesus I would never take for granted.

"For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering."  Hebrews 2:10

Thank You, Jesus, for being who You are and for rescuing me from myself, even though I can't quite wrap my mind around Your love.

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from his reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

I, Wisdom

I, wisdom, dwell with prudence, and I find knowledge and discretion.  The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil.  Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.  I have counsel and sound wisdom; I have insight; I have strength.  By me kings reign, and rulers decree what is just; by me princes rule, and nobles, all who govern justly.  I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.  Riches and honor are with me, enduring wealth and righteousness.  My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold, and my yield than choice silver.  I walk in the way of righteousness, in the paths of justice, granting an inheritance to those who love me, and filling their treasuries.

Proverbs 8:12-21

is this what heaven will be like?

In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!" And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said:"Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips, for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for."

Isaiah 6:1-7

Something Beautiful

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.  For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, 'the righteous shall live by faith.'
Romans 1:16-17

Agape

Isn't it interesting how the Greeks had 4 different words meaning love, and how each of them had a slightly different definition?

Today in my quiet time I was reading 1st John.  In chapter 4, there is a whole section devoted to loving one another.   The first section that caught my attention was verses 7-12 where it states:

 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not have love does not know God, because God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us,we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."

If you're like me, then you cringe when you hear the phrase "God is love," having heard it used and abused so many time over.  But there it was, right there in the Bible, so I knew it to be true.  I just had to pick up my word study Bible and figure out which word for "love" was being used here.  Here's what I found.

Agape; love .... translated "charity" meaning benevolent love.  Its benevolence, however, is not shown by doing what the person loved desires but what the one who loves deems as needed by the one loved.  


I have therefore found a way to debate people when they say "God is love, He would never do something like that!"  My response would be that God is love, yes, but it's a different kind of love from the mushy-gushy sort.  God loves us with an Agape love, that is that He deems what is best for His children and loves them accordingly.  Sometimes, that means pain, suffering, and good 'ol sanctification.  Take that, Rob Bell!

                               Perhaps that love could come by way of a much needed car
                         Maybe that love could come in the form of a drought
                    Sometimes it'll come by way of a bonus at work
                Or maybe by way of a destructive flood
           
This world we live in is full of backwards thinking people.  The way we see things is, should I dare to say, completely opposite of the way God sees them!  Because of this, we don't have a clue what love really is.

I really can't tell you how thrilled I am and how excited I get whenever God chooses to reveal new and wonderful gems to me.  I can't wait to see what else happens to be in the lesson plans!

Why?

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I'm in a contemplative mood.  Maybe it has something to do with the music I'm listening to ("Completely" by Ana Laura), or maybe it has to do with just wanting to think.  Whatever the reasoning behind it all, the result is this post.

Why?  Why was it so easy to believe when we were little?

Why?  Why was it so easy to recall our favorite Bible stories every day when we were little, but now find it hard to remember even a single verse in the midst of our busy lives?

Why?  Why did God seem so much closer to our hearts and minds before we "grew up"?

Why?  Why was it that I prayed nearly without ceasing when I was 8, but now find it hard to find the words to say?

Why?  Why did I allow God to be so involved in every sector of my life without even thinking, and now I have to work at making Him a part of everything?

Why, why, why???

Matthew 18:2-4 says, "And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, 'Truly I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'"  (ESV)

In my ESV study Bible, the notes on these verses say "The humility of a child consists of childlike trust, vulnerability, and the inability to advance his or her own cause apart from the help, direction, and resources of a parent."

What am I saying?  That we should swim against the current of our culture?  Without a doubt YES!

In modern America there is an urgency to grow up, move out once 18, and learn how to become as independent as possible.  We don't want to feel like we need somebody else.  The divorce rate is enough to prove that!  Sure I'll marry you, but only so long as you fulfill my lustful needs.  Once I tire of you I'm going to terminate our relationship and move on to the next person.  I don't need a "life partner" because the word "partner" implies that I would need someone's help for survival. I view that as a weakness.


You get the picture.

When we grow up, we suddenly have only one need:  to be completely independent of others.

Yet God is calling us to so much more than that!  If we are dependent upon Him, then everything will get taken care of.  If our only thought is for Him, then our lives can be nothing but complete and utter bliss!  We'll soon forget that we thought we had the power to take matters into our own hands and will rest securely in the knowledge that He will take care of everything.

Hmmm, it brings new meaning to the verse that says "Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 36:10)," and also Psalm 23:2 where it says, "He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters."

I pray that I am able to return to my childlike faith, for it is when I humble myself that God shows Himself to be strong!  Amen and amen.

Day 1: Success

{Photo Credit}

It was easier than I originally thought.  I rolled right out of bed at 7:35 wide awake and ready to spend some time with Jesus.  For those of you who don't know, I'm doing a 1 year Bible plan with a dear friend of mine.  However, I have fallen behind somewhat in my reading seeing that I usually only have a quiet time about 4 times a week.  Yes, I am now 10 days behind, but I finally finished the readings for February this morning.

It was so nice to be able to flip open my Bible to where I had left off, coffee in hand, and read in the sweet, blissful silence of the early morning.  My entire family was still asleep, leaving the house to be used by me and me alone.  I spent time in the chapters of Leviticus, Mark, Psalms, and Proverbs.  Directly afterwards, I spent a good deal of time in prayer, praying for things that I hadn't considered praying for in the past.  Isn't it amazing how God will impress certain things upon your heart? 

I loved my prayer time today.  Through it I became encouraged in my walk with God.  I see what my heart is like now, but I know that God has the power and the know-how to change it and mold it into something that will please and honor and glorify Him.

Yes, I would call Day 1 of my new resolution a success indeed.