"I am the LORD, and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the LORD, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these thing."
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Freedom!
I've been home for about a month now. At first I was lost and confused as I wondered what I was supposed to do. I had and still have no clue as to why I was directed oh so clearly to come home.
My dad and I were driving around town the other day when he asked if I was still stressed. You know what? I'm really not. I'm finally letting myself just take a break for once and enjoy the time I get to spend at home with my family.
For the first time since my senior year of high school I am not being held to another's schedule. I do not wake up every day with a series of things I want to get done before work. I don't have to put my book down only to continually not resume where I left off for several weeks.
For the first time in forever I get to enjoy freedom.
No school, no work... just... time.
Time for hiking on the weekends. Time for reading all those books I've been meaning to get to over the past several years. Time for spending with my grandparents. Time for getting together with friends I haven't seen in ages. Time for being active. Time for snuggling with the baby.
Jake and I were in Hobby Lobby a few weeks ago, and I was looking longingly at all the craft supplies. I've always wished to be crafty, but just haven't had time or money to devote to anything. I told Jake that oh, someday when I have the time and money, I'll be back and start to create all sorts of things. That's when I stopped and thought about it. Wait a minute! I DO have the time and I DO have the money! What a realization.
I've been learning that it's okay to not always have a plan to work off of and it's okay to take a break for a bit. Knowing that God could change up my plans on a moment's notice means that I'm going to do my best to cherish each moment as it comes... especially since I know having this amount of time on my hands will probably never visit me again. It has been an interesting month, for sure, but I'm finally letting myself enjoy it.
And that's been an adventure all its own. :)
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
{But It's Dark}
If there's anything that's extremely difficult for me to do, it's wait.
If there's anything that's been a major theme in my life, it's been waiting.
If there's anything that God may be trying to teach me, it may be how to wait.
Hate: intense or passionate dislike.
I hate waiting.
I hate waiting for grades to come back because I like to know how I did.
I hate waiting for a family member to come pick me up after work because there aren't enough cars to go around for every driver.
I hate waiting for sanctification because I'd rather just do all the hard stuff up front and be done with it!
I hate waiting.
I don't know about you, but when I find myself waiting around for something I get restless and antsy. When I'm required to wait, I become something not unlike a pacing lion waiting for the first glimpse of an antelope to hunt down and devour. Yet, it is through this terrible process that I must pace oh so often.
Pace: (verb) walk at a steady and consistent speed, esp. back and forth and as an expression of one's anxiety or annoyance.
What makes me anxious? The great unknown. If I don't have a plan nailed down so that I can follow it down to the t, I get anxious about what's next. What's interesting though is that once I have a plan, the thing I love to do most is be spontaneous and randomly perform a certain activity. What I'm learning about myself, though, is that without that plan, it feels weird doing my own thing. Bizarre, I know.
My dad said it right when he said that I'm in the shadow of His wing. It may be dark under there, but I'm precisely where I need to be. For me, being in the dark means not knowing what's next. Not having a plan. Not having the slightest clue as to where to make my next footprint.
And that's just it. Being in the shadow of His wing means I need to stop pacing, stop being anxious... just... stop... My job is to put my faith and trust in Him right now just as much as I did when I knew what to do.
Maybe, just maybe, learning how to trust Him when we can see what's next is supposed to train us how to trust Him when we can't.
He is good, and His love endures forever. I will rest securely in the knowledge that He is the man with the plan and that He will continue to be faithful to guide me all the way home.
If there's anything that's been a major theme in my life, it's been waiting.
If there's anything that God may be trying to teach me, it may be how to wait.
Hate: intense or passionate dislike.
I hate waiting.
I hate waiting for grades to come back because I like to know how I did.
I hate waiting for a family member to come pick me up after work because there aren't enough cars to go around for every driver.
I hate waiting for sanctification because I'd rather just do all the hard stuff up front and be done with it!
I hate waiting.
I don't know about you, but when I find myself waiting around for something I get restless and antsy. When I'm required to wait, I become something not unlike a pacing lion waiting for the first glimpse of an antelope to hunt down and devour. Yet, it is through this terrible process that I must pace oh so often.
Pace: (verb) walk at a steady and consistent speed, esp. back and forth and as an expression of one's anxiety or annoyance.
What makes me anxious? The great unknown. If I don't have a plan nailed down so that I can follow it down to the t, I get anxious about what's next. What's interesting though is that once I have a plan, the thing I love to do most is be spontaneous and randomly perform a certain activity. What I'm learning about myself, though, is that without that plan, it feels weird doing my own thing. Bizarre, I know.
My dad said it right when he said that I'm in the shadow of His wing. It may be dark under there, but I'm precisely where I need to be. For me, being in the dark means not knowing what's next. Not having a plan. Not having the slightest clue as to where to make my next footprint.
And that's just it. Being in the shadow of His wing means I need to stop pacing, stop being anxious... just... stop... My job is to put my faith and trust in Him right now just as much as I did when I knew what to do.
Maybe, just maybe, learning how to trust Him when we can see what's next is supposed to train us how to trust Him when we can't.
He is good, and His love endures forever. I will rest securely in the knowledge that He is the man with the plan and that He will continue to be faithful to guide me all the way home.
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